Why did this pop into my head? Really? You’ve read my posts before. How do I think of anything I talk about? Who knows?
To be blunt, though, it occurred to me the absurdity of anyone, male or female, to answer someone’s question of “What’s wrong?” with “Nothing,” and then be angry with them for not seeing what you feel they should see.
While someone may fail to see something they should, and you may have every right to be angry with them, to answer an attempt to discover the issue with evasion and then continue being angry with them is not just unfair, it’s wrong.
“I want them to fight harder to find out what’s wrong with me.”
You’re putting an expectation on someone that you may not have adequately communicated to that person. If the problems is they aren’t seeing a problem you might be experiencing, what’s the real issue? Either you chose poorly someone who wasn’t perceptive enough to know when you’re going through difficulty, the person who is receptive enough is just settled into the commonality of your current relationship and you’ve hidden your problem well, or you have an unfair expectation on someone while never expressing the issue because you’d rather be coddled.
I can relate to the feeling that sometimes you want people to seek you out. I get lonely sometimes and I wish my friends would call me once in awhile. You know how often people call me? Almost never. Even people who I know love me dearly never call me. It’s infuriating sometimes. And yet … I don’t always communicate that to them. Therefore I can’t always fault other people when I don’t communicate to them my issue.
I recently lost a good friend because I didn’t communicate to them my concern. Guess who’s fault that was? Mine. I should have talked to her, but I didn’t. I don’t blame her, I blame me.
Don’t tell people who ask you what’s wrong that “nothing” is wrong, and then get angry with them for taking you at your word. I don’t care if you’re a woman and women just do that. I don’t care if you’re a guy and aren’t sure if you’re ready for other people to help you.
“But I don’t want people to take me at my word, I want them to find out what’s wrong.”
Then tell them. Say this with me: “Something is wrong. I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t know if I want your help, but something is wrong. I’ll tell you how to help me if you want to help me.”
Say something! Be honest! Even if it’s to say: “Hey, something is wrong, but I need to deal with it myself. Just give me some time.” Or, “Yes, I’m thinking about us and we need to talk.” Or even, “I need to work out some stuff regarding us, but I need to think through it alone.” Maybe, “You did something and I’m angry about it. When I figure out how I want to talk to you about, we’ll sit down and talk.”
“Well, not everyone is capable of doing that, Christian.”
That’s not true. You just have to make a decision. Do you want to perpetuate drama and a woe-is-me attitude, or an excuse to perpetuate anger? Or do you want to simplify your relationship, if even only a little bit?
So, no more “nothing.” Say something. Please.